Fa la la, Fa la la, life is good and we are all just cruising through it - until someone hits the brakes. From 60 to 0 fast.
I went to the gyn with a complaint of soreness and possible lump in a breast. For some reason I really thought she would tell me the lump was in my mind and there was nothing there. But no, she said she felt it and I needed to have a mammogram and ultrasound to check it out. That news stopped my dead in my tracks. I really did not think anything could be wrong even I though I had made an appointment to go to the doctor. Denial?
I was speechless and did not know what to ask or say. In fact, I was trying not to say anything and focus on not crying. I left the room, got my paperwork and made my appointments for the follow up testing.
Needless to say I was (and still am) a wreck. I quickly imagined worst case scenarios over and over. I think of my mom and her passing. I wonder how long I have had the lump. Why didn't I do my self-checks. Why didn't I make a doctors appointment sooner. Looking at my boys would make me tear up.
I know that it could be nothing, but it is hard for my not to stopping thinking, dwelling, imagine what it could be.
I can't believe how quickly the direction of your life can change. I know it has not really changed, and in fact nothing is different then the day before. But I am seeing everything different. I am realizing how precious everything is that I have been taking for granted.
I am going to give myself a little bit of gas to get going and make it through these days, but I have definitely slowed day. I am taking stock of everything I see and feel.
My follows are later this week so we shall see what happens.