We moved from Pasadena to Vegas with 6 month old twin boys. This is our story.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Hit the brakes!!!!!!!!

Fa la la, Fa la la, life is good and we are all just cruising through it - until someone hits the brakes.  From 60 to 0 fast. 

I went to the gyn with a complaint of soreness and possible lump in a breast.  For some reason I really thought she would tell me the lump was in my mind and there was nothing there.  But no, she said she felt it and I needed to have a mammogram and ultrasound to check it out.   That news stopped my dead in my tracks.  I really did not think anything could be wrong even I though I had made an appointment to go to the doctor.  Denial?

I was speechless and did not know what to ask or say.  In fact, I was trying not to say anything and focus on not crying.  I left the room, got my paperwork and made my appointments for the follow up testing.

Needless to say I was (and still am) a wreck.  I quickly imagined worst case scenarios over and over.  I think of my mom and her passing.  I wonder how long I have had the lump.  Why didn't I do my self-checks.  Why didn't I make a doctors appointment sooner.  Looking at my boys would make me tear up.

I know that it could be nothing, but it is hard for my not to stopping thinking, dwelling, imagine what it could be. 

I can't believe how quickly the direction of your life can change.  I know it has not really changed, and in fact nothing is different then the day before.  But I am seeing everything different. I am realizing how precious everything is that I have been taking for granted. 

I am going to give myself a little bit of gas to get going and make it through these days, but I have definitely slowed day.  I am taking stock of everything I see and feel. 

My follows are later this week so we shall see what happens.