Fa la la, Fa la la, life is good and we are all just cruising through it - until someone hits the brakes. From 60 to 0 fast.
I went to the gyn with a complaint of soreness and possible lump in a breast. For some reason I really thought she would tell me the lump was in my mind and there was nothing there. But no, she said she felt it and I needed to have a mammogram and ultrasound to check it out. That news stopped my dead in my tracks. I really did not think anything could be wrong even I though I had made an appointment to go to the doctor. Denial?
I was speechless and did not know what to ask or say. In fact, I was trying not to say anything and focus on not crying. I left the room, got my paperwork and made my appointments for the follow up testing.
Needless to say I was (and still am) a wreck. I quickly imagined worst case scenarios over and over. I think of my mom and her passing. I wonder how long I have had the lump. Why didn't I do my self-checks. Why didn't I make a doctors appointment sooner. Looking at my boys would make me tear up.
I know that it could be nothing, but it is hard for my not to stopping thinking, dwelling, imagine what it could be.
I can't believe how quickly the direction of your life can change. I know it has not really changed, and in fact nothing is different then the day before. But I am seeing everything different. I am realizing how precious everything is that I have been taking for granted.
I am going to give myself a little bit of gas to get going and make it through these days, but I have definitely slowed day. I am taking stock of everything I see and feel.
My follows are later this week so we shall see what happens.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
What am I going to be when I grow up?
I am still struggling with my identity outside motherhood, wife and employee. In my downtime I like to read, watch TV or scan the Internet. None of these make me feel complete or more accomplished. I can tell you things I would like to do - write, sew, craft, volunteer, organize my house... But no.
Am I too tired or uninspired? I am secretly concerned that I am just lazy! Maybe I just need a few more weeks to catch up on me time? Any suggestions?
At least my boys know what they want to be when they grow up.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Yes, that was us- sorry
We are a couple of months into potty training. So far, so good. Of course we did not start until the boys were 3 +, I think that made a difference.
We have been quite surprised by how well it has gone. As expected, Baby A was late to the game, but we knew when he was ready he would be fully on board. He was dry his first weekend and pretty much ever since. If you ask him to try and go potty he will happily. In fact he wants to do it by himself now.
Baby B has been interested for many months and has been going on the potty off and on for awhile. We did not really start encouraging him until Baby A was ready. We were not surprised that B would have a few accidents because he never wanted to try just in case. He would always say he did not need to pee, keep playing and have an accident 10 minutes later. This is such their personalities.
One weekend not long ago we had a great morning at the park, saw boats racing in a lake and played on another jungle gym before leaving. This jungle gym was very tall (about 15 feet) with multiple levels and the boys enjoyed climbing up there. At some point I heard husband start yelling and saw Baby A way at the top of the jungle with pee just pouring out of him down the entire length of the jungle gym creating a big puddle at the bottom. Of course we both went into "what the heck do we do now" mode and started yelling at Baby A first to stop peeing and then to climb down. He was not ready to come down and started yelling no to us. I am looking around the park trying to see who has seen him do this and surprisingly of the 3 families there no one has noticed. Baby A is still certain he does not want to come down and Baby B is now asking loudly what happened.
As you know, many jungle gyms are not made for adults to fit, husband starts to try and climb up but it is pretty tight. Finally we get him down, but now what? How do we clean up the jungle gym? Do we tell the other people playing there? How do I get him cleaned up, all I see is a water fountain and no sinks or bathrooms. So we do what anyone else would do and run to the car. We strip a crying Baby A down (he was not ready to leave) and clean up him with almost dried out wet wipes and shove him in his seat.
Any other ideas????
We have been quite surprised by how well it has gone. As expected, Baby A was late to the game, but we knew when he was ready he would be fully on board. He was dry his first weekend and pretty much ever since. If you ask him to try and go potty he will happily. In fact he wants to do it by himself now.
Baby B has been interested for many months and has been going on the potty off and on for awhile. We did not really start encouraging him until Baby A was ready. We were not surprised that B would have a few accidents because he never wanted to try just in case. He would always say he did not need to pee, keep playing and have an accident 10 minutes later. This is such their personalities.
One weekend not long ago we had a great morning at the park, saw boats racing in a lake and played on another jungle gym before leaving. This jungle gym was very tall (about 15 feet) with multiple levels and the boys enjoyed climbing up there. At some point I heard husband start yelling and saw Baby A way at the top of the jungle with pee just pouring out of him down the entire length of the jungle gym creating a big puddle at the bottom. Of course we both went into "what the heck do we do now" mode and started yelling at Baby A first to stop peeing and then to climb down. He was not ready to come down and started yelling no to us. I am looking around the park trying to see who has seen him do this and surprisingly of the 3 families there no one has noticed. Baby A is still certain he does not want to come down and Baby B is now asking loudly what happened.
As you know, many jungle gyms are not made for adults to fit, husband starts to try and climb up but it is pretty tight. Finally we get him down, but now what? How do we clean up the jungle gym? Do we tell the other people playing there? How do I get him cleaned up, all I see is a water fountain and no sinks or bathrooms. So we do what anyone else would do and run to the car. We strip a crying Baby A down (he was not ready to leave) and clean up him with almost dried out wet wipes and shove him in his seat.
Any other ideas????
Monday, April 15, 2013
Why I hate Duplo / Legos
The Duplo packaging is so cute and appealing. The first time several times we put them together it was so much fun. The next several times they fell apart over and over I came to hate them. Screaming children telling me to put them back together, "fix it mommy", but freaking out when I touch them wanting to fix them on their own.
Oh Duplos!!!!!!!! I feel that you are made to come apart so easily to cause mayhem in all of our households. Try explaining to a 3 year old that you need to brace your extra long plane with strategically placed duplos and you can't build them 2 feet tall. You can't even fly a plane around without a wing falling off! Let us not even get started with what it is like to step on a little plastic blocks with pointy parts. Not fun. Why do they scatter so easily?
Oh Duplos!!!!!!!! I feel that you are made to come apart so easily to cause mayhem in all of our households. Try explaining to a 3 year old that you need to brace your extra long plane with strategically placed duplos and you can't build them 2 feet tall. You can't even fly a plane around without a wing falling off! Let us not even get started with what it is like to step on a little plastic blocks with pointy parts. Not fun. Why do they scatter so easily?
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Buy Pampers Stock
I go back and forth with being OK this. Changing diapers is not that bad and it is easier when you are out and about as opposed to worrying abut two toddlers going pee pee on the potty and having accidents.
Baby A is strong with his decision to not pee on the potty. He has never done it at home. He is physically ready and holds it for long periods of time but mentally he does not want to and no bribe (yes bribe) can change his mind.
We may try going cold turkey at spring break with no diapers or we may chicken out. Anyway keep your investments in Pampers because we are spending a fortune.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
What were we thinking?
We try to get out as often as possible with the boys. Living in an apartment right now gives us a good case of cabin fever.
Most of our outings involve eating and shopping. I used to wonder why my friends with babies went to the mall all the time, now I know. It is out of the sun, air-conditioned and full of kid friendly places to eat. And for us ladies- a great place for retail therapy.
An Italian festival came into town this past weekend. We love to go out for food and shopping and husband is Italian so this seemed like a great fit. We knew it was going to be sunny and hot so we dressed the boys appropriately, applied sticky sunscreen all over their bodies and packed water.
Nothing could have prepared us for the heat. Somehow when we were out running errands we never appreciated how hot the sun is when standing outside for prolonged periods of time. The boys quickly turned pink from the heat. We all had sweat rolling down our backs.
Most of our outings involve eating and shopping. I used to wonder why my friends with babies went to the mall all the time, now I know. It is out of the sun, air-conditioned and full of kid friendly places to eat. And for us ladies- a great place for retail therapy.
An Italian festival came into town this past weekend. We love to go out for food and shopping and husband is Italian so this seemed like a great fit. We knew it was going to be sunny and hot so we dressed the boys appropriately, applied sticky sunscreen all over their bodies and packed water.
Am I just a mom?
The boys are quickly coming up on three. I guess I have to assume I am as dialed in to being a mommy as I will be. We last moved over a month ago. We have been in Vegas for over two years. Yet I am still at a loss for having done anything that is just me. What I mean is- I have no hobby, I don't volunteer, I hardly remember to write in my blog, no crafting or cooking or even exercise.
I go to work, come home and hang out with the boys, make dinner, put them to bed, clean up and watch TV or read. Is that sad? I feel like I should have something that I do, that defines me, makes me more interesting, but I am just always tired and want to zone out. What happened to the me of my past. I wanted to be involved, I was creative and tried things.
I can go months without even think of my lack of a life past mommy and than all of the sudden it hits my like a wall of bricks. What have I done for the last three years? What is my life beyond the walls of my house. What mark am I making on the world, or at least what am I crafting to hang on my walls? I don't know the answer, there a lot of things that interest me but yet I feel pretty content at the end of most days. If you have any suggestions please let me know.
I go to work, come home and hang out with the boys, make dinner, put them to bed, clean up and watch TV or read. Is that sad? I feel like I should have something that I do, that defines me, makes me more interesting, but I am just always tired and want to zone out. What happened to the me of my past. I wanted to be involved, I was creative and tried things.
I can go months without even think of my lack of a life past mommy and than all of the sudden it hits my like a wall of bricks. What have I done for the last three years? What is my life beyond the walls of my house. What mark am I making on the world, or at least what am I crafting to hang on my walls? I don't know the answer, there a lot of things that interest me but yet I feel pretty content at the end of most days. If you have any suggestions please let me know.
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