This is my therapy

My mom passed away recently and I have many things to say about that. This relates to it. We were on our way to the in-laws and the boys were talking about grandma and grandpa. They were so excited to see them and I am so happy that they are in their lives. As I was looking back at the boys in the car while they were talking it really hit me that they are not going to have my mom's influence growing up. I feel confident they are surrounded by good people and will always have good role models, but what would have been different about them if nana had been in their lives more then their first two years. There were so many things she loved that I know she looked forward to experiencing with them and teaching them. I know she would have been such a strong, positive and fun impact on their lives and while it does not feel fair to me to not have her around for me, it is really not fair for my boys to not have her around in their lives. I will do my best to mention her often and do things with them she would have but I am going to shed some tears too.